A child’s Bar Mitzvah is a once-in-a-lifetime milestone and you are most likely feeling the pressure to “get it right.” Or you have been bar mitzvah planning in your head for years and are now feeling overwhelmed. Let’s level up your planning with the ultimate bar mitzvah checklist and do more than “get it right” but make it the significant celebration it is meant to be.
The Basics of Your Bar Mitzvah Checklist
As with most planning, one of the top bar mitzvah tips is to start with the basics, grounding the who, what, where, and when of the ceremony, the celebration, and beyond.
Date and Time
The Bar Mitzvah is determined by the Hebrew birthday, and every effort should be made to celebrate it on that date. This should be discussed and fixed with your rabbi about two years before your child’s thirteenth birthday. This allows for the date to be secured in advance.
The bar mitzvah ceremony is traditionally celebrated on the Shabbat (Saturday) morning following the child’s Jewish birthday. This tradition is sometimes modified with the celebration happening on a weekday or even a nearly Jewish holiday.
Guest List
Finalizing your guest list is a big task for your bar mitzvah checklist, giving you a basis for your budget, venue, food, drink, and activities. The people on your list can cover family, friends, classmates, congregation members, and your rabbi and cantor. It can also cover guests of other faiths. Your non-Jewish guests may never have attended a Bar Mitzvah and may not know the etiquette and expectations involved. You can include a note about answering any questions they may have in their invitation.
The people on your guest list should be important to you and your child. Anyone who has helped guide, teach, or contribute to who your child is can be a good guiding principal.
Guests should be expected to:
- Attend both the religious service and the following party
- Do not bring any uninvited guests
- Send an RSVP
Managing RSVP’s
This can be a challenge with any large celebration. Set your RSVP date in accordance with when you will have to finalize numbers on things that are attendance dependent, like food and drink. Make it easy for your guests to RSVP and have a plan to follow up with those who do not respond. Give yourself some educated guesstimates based on who has RSVP’d. A percentage of people will not respond but will show up. Another percentage will respond, yet will not show up. Work those percentages into your final numbers.
Budget
Nothing grounds planning a bar mitzvah like your budget. Knowing what you can spend helps you make decisions and prioritize what is most important.
A bar mitzvah budget planning worksheet is always helpful. It should include vendors who you will need to hire, such as:
- Venue
- Caterer
- DJ or band
- Entertainment Company
- Photographer/Videographer
- Party planner
- Florist
- Transportation
Your budget will also include purchases for:
- Kiddush
- Party favors
- Invitations, thank you notes and Save the Date cards
- Centerpieces, decorations, and flowers
- Seating place cards and sign-in boards
- Programs
- Food and drink
- Yarmulkes
- New clothes for child and family
- Amenity baskets
- Tallit
- Kippot
Other costs that need to be considered include:
- Tipping costs
- Insurance
- Synagogue fees
- Postage
Venue for the Bar Mitzvah
Your choice of venue for the celebration will support other planning choices, making it a top priority. Important considerations in how to choose a bar mitzvah venue include:
- Envisioning your event
- Setting your budget
- Viewing multiple venue choices
- Asking about amenities
- Knowing your guest count
For more professional help in finding a venue to suit your needs, contact The Lumber Exchange.
Officiant
Your rabbi and cantor have a role in the service and will be involved in your preparations. Communicate with them to help make the day special and significant.
The Ceremony
Preparing for the elements of the ceremony is another top tip in the bar mitzvah planning guide. The bar mitzvah checklist for the synagogue ceremony consists of the traditional rituals.
Torah Reading
The Bar Mitzvah calls for your child to read a weekly text from the Torah and includes wearing a prayer shall and phylactery and reciting blessings both before and after the reading. Make choosing the portion that will be read and the practice schedule for preparing the reading a part of your planning.
Speech/D’var Torah
Figuring out what to include in a bar mitzvah speech is the start of writing and delivering a meaningful speech. Since the speech is a lesson based on a selection from the Torah and structured like a sermon, the choice of selection will resonate throughout the speech. Choose a selection of the Torah that they can connect to and explain how it personally relates to their life. The purpose is to share the Torah and their connection to it. The depth of the speech will depend on your child, their scholarship, and the traditions of your synagogue and family.
Service Elements
The service may also include your child leading prayers, family members being called up to say a blessing, or parents giving a speech expressing their pride in their child taking this important step within the traditions of the Jewish faith.
Religious Considerations
Also, consider the specific customs or religious traditions that are a part of your Synagogue or family, including following a traditional dress code. Guests are also expected to respect the sanctity of the service and you may want to explain the key parts to guests who may be unfamiliar with them.
The Celebration
How to plan a bar mitzvah reception is often the point where planning can become overwhelming. Remember the basics you have already made decisions about and build from there.
Theme/Style
Choose a theme or style for the celebration that reflects the Bar Mitzvah’s personality. Have a conversation about what this means for them and plan accordingly. Having a theme makes other decisions follow suit.
Food and Drinks
Choose options that both fit your budget and theme. Consider kid-friendly options, whether you want to include traditional foods, and the time of day the celebration will take place. Your catering choices can be narrowed down by your budget and the types of food and drinks you plan to serve.
Entertainment
Music is often central to many celebrations. Hiring a DJ or band to provide music will depend on your budget but also your theme and the type of music you want to provide. Beyond music, you want to provide other entertainment to keep your guests of all ages engaged in the celebration.
Some bar mitzvah entertainment ideas for kids include:
- A prop-filled photo booth
- Dance or music themed contests or games
- Magicians or other performers
- Karaoke
- Face paint or airbrush tattoo artists
- Sports-style arcade games
- Party-style games or other pop-up activities
Decorations
Use them to create a festive atmosphere based on your chosen theme or style. Personalize the space and make it about your child and the things they like. You can also include memory displays, including video montages or pictures.
The Lumber Exchange can give you more Bar Mitzvah planning ideas.
Key Details of Your Bar Mitzvah Checklist
Invitations
Invitations reflect the Bar Mitzvah tradition with wording centered on the parents announcing this milestone and asking others to share in the joy of its celebration. Include the date, time, and expectations. Send them in plenty of time to get on invitees’ calendars and for you to receive the RSVP’s. Sending out a save the date card months before the official invite is also a way to get on invitees’ calendars.
Photography/Videography
Hiring someone to capture this celebratory milestone is not something you want to skip. The memories will be shared for a lifetime. A photo booth can also capture these memories outside of the official photographer or videographer.
Party Favors
Choose party favors that fit your theme and are appropriate for guests. Some ideas for bar mitzvah party favors for guests include personalized:
- Candy bars
- Cups, mugs, or glassware
- Magnets or stickers
- Pens or pencils
- Backpacks
- Keychains
Thank You Notes
Like most large milestone events with many guests, thank you notes are an important element. The purpose is for your child to express their gratitude to those who attended and helped them celebrate this important day.
Some tips for writing bar mitzvah thank you notes include:
- Make it personal
- Don’t put it off
- Stay organized and consistent
- Set an amount to complete each day
Beyond the Party
Bar Mitzvah Project
Your child’s bar mitzvah project is a part of them becoming a part of their community in a more mature and meaningful way. This can include a community service or charitable giving project that considers their personal interests, including raising money for a particular charity or volunteering their time at a community non-profit.
Religious School/Tutoring
Preparing them to take this important step in their religious life is also a part of planning your child’s Bar Mitzvah. Plan ahead for the learning and tutoring that will be needed leading up to the big day.
Family Involvement
Although the Bar Mitzvah is centered on your child, there are roles for parents, siblings, and other relatives to play. Communicate these roles to everyone and explain their meaning, so everyone absorbs their significance.
The Ultimate Bar Mitzvah Checklist: Final Tips and Advice
Staying Organized
As with any big event planning, using checklists, spreadsheets, or planning tools can help you stay organized. Knowing you have everything in a central place can also help cut down on your stress.
Managing Stress
A part of managing stress is also to keep things in perspective. This is an important milestone but you should also enjoy the process.
Creating a Meaningful Experience
There is a reason the Bar Mitzvah is a milestone in your child’s life, filled with tradition, spiritual significance, and celebration. Do not lose focus of this in the midst of the planning pressure. It is the biggest check on your bar mitzvah checklist.