Writing Your Own Wedding Vows – A Quick Guide

how to write vows for a wedding

Wedding vows are truly an intimate moment that is shared between two people during the wedding ceremony. It is a time when a couple can express their commitment, love, and promise to each other for as long as they live. Wedding vows can be kept super traditional where the couple can recite vows that have been written years and years ago. We’ve all been to those weddings: “to have and to hold.” Today, however, many couples are looking to forgo those kinds of vows in exchange for their own true sentiments. 

This can feel scary, and you might be wondering how to write vows for a wedding, but with this in mind, you and your partner can make your wedding day vows more special. You can share the story of how this beautiful day came to be with your wonderful family and friends and show your love on your wedding day. 

Writing your own vows for your wedding can give a couple the chance to share details of how they met, grew together as a couple, grew stronger together, and give your guests a glimpse into the special and unconditional love that you have for one another. This guide will show you how to write vows for a wedding and give you some insight on how to customize your vows to truly celebrate your one of a kind love that you have for your partner. 

Quick tips for writing wedding vows

To fully learn how to write vows for a wedding, there are plenty of unique tips you can incorporate. The following wedding vow tips and tricks are great to keep in mind while writing your vows. 

First, start early. By starting your crafting process for your vows early, you will have more time to find inspiration and think about all the reasons why you will say, “I do!” By starting early, you also give yourself more time to procrastinate and perfect your personalized vows. 

Talk to your fiance. While you might want to keep everything a secret when thinking of what to include in your wedding vows, it can help both of you feel more comfortable and confident to start the vows on the same page. This can include agreeing on a specific format, style or tone for the vows like whether you want more romantic vows or more funny vows. Will you incorporate some more traditional wedding vows and promises or will you go for a light-hearted tone? 

There are a wide variety of ways you can take them so ensuring that you and your partner are on the same page can help in figuring out how to write vows for a wedding. Some engaged couples even choose to read their vows to each other before the wedding and share a more private moment. It is really up to you and your partner to decide what you prefer as it is your special day!

Next, use your memories. By surrounding yourself with different memories like love notes, old photographs, or special trinkets, all of these little pieces can help you remember all the special moments that have been shared between you. It can be easy to forget all the unique moments you have shared throughout the years but one moment can remind you of a different moment and then before you know it, you will have a whole list of ideas and memories to talk about in your wedding vows. 

Another tip on how to write vows for a wedding is to make a list. Just write down whatever comes to mind, whether it even makes sense or not. Then you can pull from that list later. It will help in getting your ideas flowing. 

Some ways to help in starting your list is by asking yourself a couple of questions. Some of these questions could be:

When did you realize you were in love with your partner?

Are there any challenging times you have gone through together? How did it make you stronger as a couple?

What do you miss most about your partner when you are apart? How do these qualities in them impact your relationship?

If you still need a little more help in coming up with how to write vows for a wedding, you can get some inspiration from authors, poets, or even your favorite romantic movies or shows. The options are endless. Just don’t let the words of others take over yours. When you find examples of words that you like or think capture what you are trying to say, figure out what about those words you are drawn to and how you can relate them to your own relationship to make them more personalized. 

Another tip that you might overlook is trying to avoid anything embarrassing or too personal between you and your partner. While this is an intimate moment that you are sharing with others, you are, realistically, sharing it with others so you want to be mindful as not to overshare. 

The last and final tip would be to take a break. It can get a little frustrating when you are trying to figure out how to write vows for a wedding so sometimes you just need a little break to clear your head. 

writing your own vows

How to write vows for a wedding

When you write your vows, you want to speak from the heart and let your true feelings out. It can be hard to narrow down what you want to say or find the right words, especially when you have so many lovely things to say about your significant other. To make it a little easier, follow these simple steps to figure out the right thing to say to your partner and avoid the dreaded writer’s block.

First, you will want to think about what your partner is to you. Who are they in relation to you? Your partner in crime, your best friend, your confidant? Put this all together in a statement. 

Next, think about what you truly love about your partner. What are the qualities that made you agree to forever with this person? What about the moment that you realized you were in love? What do you miss about your significant other when you are not around each other? These are the qualities that you want to focus on in your wedding vows. 

By writing down all these ideas, you will have a good foundation to begin creating your wedding vows and looking for a theme to focus on. You do not have to say everything you wrote down but usually you will start to see a pattern to frame your vows and create an outline for vows. 

A story is sometimes the best way to portray the love you have for someone and prove a point. Using a personal story or memory that is telling and shows your guests the qualities you love about your partner or your relationship can be very memorable and special.

Be specific. When laying out your promises, the more specific you are, the more sincere it will be. Instead of saying something like “I will always support you,” you can talk about how you will support your partner and make it unique to your relationship. Mentioning certain ways you will demonstrate your love in all kinds of ways like romantic ways and funny ways or even ways that only the two of you will understand, will make your wedding vows personalized. Using words like I pledge, I vow, or I promise will show your commitment to your partner. 

Going back to different types of vows, you can use more funny wedding vows to show that this is the happiest day of your life. Add some humor to your vows, especially if you are a more happy go lucky couple that jokes around. To decide how to write vows for a wedding, you will want to think about what kind of relationship you have with your significant other. Funny vows are perfect for the couple that finds laughter in everything. 

More romantic couples might opt for more romantic wedding vows to truly encompass the love you have for one another and the devotion and commitment you are making on that day. 

Choosing to include specific activities you will do together in the future is also a great way to strengthen your wedding vows as you are making a commitment and giving yourself something to look forward to as a couple. 

You should also reassure your partner that you will be there for them through thick and thin. This can be said in multiple ways, think about what would be most reassuring to your partner and talk to them from the heart.

Another way to strengthen your vows is to include all the goals you have as a couple for the future. The future as a married couple can be intimidating and it comes with a lot of obstacles. By giving something to look forward to in your vows, you will be able to create a stronger bond with your partner on your wedding day. 


You might be thinking about how to write vows for a wedding and it might seem intimidating, but once you start, you will see how things start to flow easily and they will write themselves!


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